So, you have a job interview or a big meeting coming up with the boss or an important client. You’ve done your homework and you’re prepared, primed, and pumped up. But have you thought about your thinking speed?

We all know that Interviews and high-stakes meetings can be stressful, and when nerves flare up, our tendency is to think and talk too fast, leading to our blowing that meeting that we prepared so hard for.

In his now classic book “Thinking, Fast and Slow,” Daniel Kahneman takes a deep dive into how we think – and teaches us how we can think more effectively. According to Kahneman, one of the biggest problems is that we tend to think too fast.

To read the rest of the article and learn more about how thinking SLOW can sometimes be the way to go, click here.  

“All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages…” ~ Shakespeare

When anyone – including my coaching clients and grad students – asks me for career advice, my answer is always the same:

“It depends!”

And what does it depend on? A lot of different, individual factors. But among the most important is, where are they in terms of Shakespeare’s “seven ages”…and at what stage are they in their career?

While there is, of course, no “one-size-fits-all” answer to the question, “What career advice do you have?” based on my own, subjective and personal experience, here’s my best career coaching advice for every age and every stage:

Teens: The Age of Exploration

When you are in your teens, you don’t know what you don’t know. Try to gain exposure to as many different experiences as possible so as to learn more about the realities of the workplace and to get an idea of what you may be good at and what you’re not, as well as what you may like to do and what you don’t. Don’t be afraid to try or to fail. That’s what these years are for. Find internships, take temp jobs, entry-level jobs, do volunteer work, and ask questions. Lots of questions. Don’t feel that any question is dumb, or that any job is beneath you. At this stage of your life, everything is a learning experience. Just go into it with a positive attitude, and you’ll be amazed at how much you can learn and how much, and how fast, you will grow.

20s: The Age of Experimentation

Now that you have a better sense of what’s out there, take a more targeted approach toward finding your niche. You are still exploring and experimenting, but the stakes are a little higher now than when you were still in school. You want to do well, gain experience, build your network, and show that you are capable of producing real results. Take chances, but be smart about it. And don’t burn any bridges or do anything rash that could potentially come back to haunt you one day (including what you put out there on social media). You are now establishing your reputation, building your resume, planting the seeds for your career, and – as Steve Jobs put it – asking yourself how you are going to “put a ding in the universe.”

30s: The Age of Self-Actualization

At this point in your life, there is, hopefully, some connection between who you are and what you do, as well as having developed a strong sense of your “personal brand.” One way to explore what your personal brand is is to think about your answer to the question: “What do you want to be known as ‘the Guru of’ or ‘the Go-to person’ for?” And then figure out what you need to do to make that vision a reality. Ideally, you want to be working at what you are good at (and/or aspire to be great at) and what you like or love to do. You want to be setting yourself up for success and becoming a subject matter expert in your field, while still creating opportunities to take risks and to grow. You may have greater “adult responsibilities” now, so it may also be time to start thinking about and preparing for the future — financially and otherwise. The key is to be proactive in figuring out what you need to do to maximize your performance, your productivity, and your potential, both in your career and in your personal life.

40s: The Age of Expertise

Ideally, you’d like to now be settled into a career in which you’ve established a proven track record of success based on producing tangible results, as well as having developed a positive professional reputation and a network of contacts. (And not just online “connections,” but true, real-world relationships.) Building on the results you’ve produced, and with an eye toward the future, very often at this stage your thoughts turn to further developing your leadership potential while continuing to hone your personal brand — both internally within your firm and externally within your industry.

But what do you do if you’ve had a setback and/or your career train has gone off the track? My feeling (from personal experience) is that it’s never too late to reinvent oneself. As the saying goes about best-laid plans, they often go awry. And, as in a board game in which you get knocked back to the starting square, you may need to go back to the Ages of Exploration and/or Experimentation again and start anew. And, if so, keep in mind that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that (!), as it happens to most of us at one point or another. The good news, however, is that this time around you get to leverage the wisdom of your experience as you set out in search of new horizons and new possibilities.

50s: The Age of Mastery

Here’s where and when you want to leverage your many years of experience to establish your reputation as a credible subject-matter expert in your field. You’ve earned it. But it’s equally important to keep learning! Remember that “In an ever-changing world, if you’re standing still you’re falling behind.” Everything today – technology, the marketplace, expectations – changes quicker and more frequently than ever. The shelf-life of knowledge in this day and age is shorter than the expiration date on a container of milk. So it’s a never-ending, 24-hour-a-day race just to keep up. But you must, as there is no other choice if you wish to stay relevant and be seen as valuable. Your strength, at this stage, lies in combining your years of experience with your ability and willingness to proactively stay ahead of the curve. At this stage, you may also be thinking about what you want your “leadership legacy” to be…and, therefore, think seriously about what you need to do between now and the future to make that vision a reality.

60s +: The Age of Wisdom

You’ve seen it all. Or have you? With things these days changing faster than ever, we see something else we've never seen before. You want to make yourself marketable by branding yourself as a sage, and yet have the humility to look to those younger than you as your teachers. You want to be a mentor, and yet be open and willing to be mentored. With that combination of attributes, you will have much to contribute and be much in demand. You want to experience the satisfaction of continuing your own personal and professional journey of growth and development while, at the same time, taking the time to -- and taking pride in -- passing the wisdom of your experience along to the next generation, keeping in mind the maxim that “Wisdom is where Knowledge and Experience meet.”

A Few Final Words

Please bear in mind that this is all just one person’s totally subjective, general advice, and you are entirely free to agree or disagree. And there are no “shoulds.” Career paths take us where career paths take us. Just as in Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken,” our career journeys are ultimately made up of the combination of the choices we made…and the choices we didn’t. The reality of today’s workplace is that careers are rarely a straight “path” but more of a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, starts and stops, twists and turns, and victories and setbacks.

So, with that in mind, to me the keys to a successful career journey include a life-long love of learning, proactivity, resilience, a positive attitude of gratitude, and a growth mindset that keep you continuously looking – and moving – ever forward…at every age, and through every stage.

PART 1: How I Risked Everything to Pursue My Dream Job

I always wanted to work in television.

It was my dream job from the age of about 13. I didn’t want to be an actor, producer, or writer. I wanted to be one of those cool, rich guys in suits at the TV networks who come up with ideas for shows and get to decide what makes it on the air. And I was obsessed with the idea of working at my favorite network: NBC. I thought, “How cool would it be to go to work every day at 30 Rock?”

When I was in college, I‘d been a summer intern for NBC News (I still have the NBC peacock towel that Willard Scott gave all the interns at orientation). So after finishing my master’s degree in communications from SUNY Albany and then working for a year in media buying for Ogilvy & Mather advertising, I realized that if I was really serious about a career in television, I needed to move to the west coast where most of the jobs were. I had already been rejected for full-time positions by NBC, along with every other network, cable station, and production company in New York City. Even though it was the toughest decision I ever had to make, I quit my job at Ogilvy and just blurted out to my parents: “I’m goin’ to Hollywood!”

A few weeks later, with two suitcases, a couple of hundred dollars to my name, no job, no leads, and no contacts in Los Angeles, my parents dropped me off at JFK. After a teary farewell, I boarded my flight to LAX, suddenly unsure of whether or not I was making the right decision.

With reality starting to sink in, my heart pounding with anxiety, and my head spinning with self-doubt and second thoughts, I made my way up the aisle toward my seat (coach, of course) all the way in the back of the plane. As I struggled to get by, a white-haired gentleman was blocking the aisle in first class. When he finally turned around and settled into his seat, I froze: it was Grant Tinker – the president of NBC.

Three hours into the flight, I was still debating whether or not to go up and talk to him. If I did, would I regret bothering him? If I didn’t, would I kick myself for eternity? Should I casually stroll by his seat, pretending to stretch my legs, and then “accidentally” drop one of my resumes onto his lap? Would he then be so impressed that he’d offer me a job on the spot? Or would he forever ban me from NBC for having the audacity to be such an idiot? Three times I got up and peeked through the first class curtain, only to chicken out and scurry back to my seat.

With less than an hour left in the flight, I decided it was now or never, do or die. Somehow, I summoned up the courage and, almost unconsciously, made my move:  I marched down the aisle, straight through the curtain, stopped at his row, turned towards him and, in one long, rambling, run-on sentence,  started spouting out the words that I had been rehearsing and revising in my head for the past four hours:

“Excuse me, Mr. Tinker. I hate to bother you. I was an intern at NBC in New York last summer, and the reason I’m on this flight is because I’m moving out to L.A. to try to get a job in the TV industry, hopefully at NBC. It’s my dream job. Again, I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you might have just a minute to give me some advice or suggestions, or anything that would point me in the right direction once I get out there.”

That’s how Grant Tinker, one of the most powerful men in Hollywood, found himself looking up at a 24 year-old kid who’d just barged into first class and asked for advice. What happened next changed me — and my career — forever.

What’s it going to be? The thrill of victory or the agony of defeat? Find out in the exciting conclusion!

PART 2: I Landed My Dream Job. Then Reality Set In.

When we last saw our hero, he had just asked Grant Tinker, then-president of NBC, for advice on landing his dream job. For more, read Part 1 of Todd’s story, How I Risked Everything to Pursue My Dream Job.

“Excuse me, Mr. Tinker. I hate to bother you. I was an intern at NBC in New York last summer, and the reason I’m on this flight is because I’m moving out to L.A. to try to get a job in the TV industry, hopefully at NBC. It’s my dream job. Again, I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you might have just a minute to give me some advice or suggestions, or anything that would point me in the right direction once I get out there.”

Yes, that’s how I introduced myself to Grant Tinker, the head of NBC. I walked into first class and asked, point blank, if he could give me a few pointers for getting started in the TV industry. When I finished, there was a pause that seemed to go on for eons (OK, it was probably only a second or two). Then the president of my favorite network smiled, slid over to the window seat, extended his hand, and said, “Sure, sit down for a minute. What’s your name?”

So, there I was: 24 years old, unemployed, with nothing in the world but a dream and two suitcases, sitting in first class on my way to L.A., chatting with the head of NBC.

I’ll spare you the details of the actual conversation, but the bottom line is this: the president of what was then the number one television network in the country was generous enough to take five minutes of his valuable time to share the wisdom of his experience with a young, aspiring job seeker.

I never ended up working at NBC, but I left that conversation on an emotional high, beaming with hope and optimism, and confident that I had made the right decision. And although I am 99.9 percent sure that Mr. Tinker doesn’t recall that brief interaction of so many years ago, his words and generosity still resonate with me today.

As for my career, it took a while — with a lot of ups and downs — to finally get on track. I took a number of “survival jobs” to pay the bills, including doing telephone sales for the L.A. Times during the day (pure, monotonous torture and hours of rejection), followed by my evening job as a bouncer at a Burbank nightclub (don’t ask).

But after months of perseverance, I finally caught a break.

There was a brief internship at Aaron Spelling Productions, followed by a stint in casting administration at Columbia Pictures Television, and then a job as assistant to a writer/producer at Disney Television. Then, at last, I landed my crowning position as assistant to the manager of drama program development at CBS. I was 25 years old, and I had finally made it into a TV network.

Unfortunately, working for an abusive psycho-boss at CBS forced me to leave the industry that I loved (or, more accurately, that I thought I was going to love), never to return. After a few exciting years as a project manager in the theme park business, I ultimately moved back to New York and got into the management training field, which is what I do today.

It might seem like working in television and my current career as a management, leadership, and presentation skills consultant, trainer, and coach have nothing in common. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

My experience in the entertainment industry taught me so much: storytelling (a crucial skill for successful leaders!); the power of visual thinking and visual communication; the effective use of metaphor and analogy; innovation and creativity; teamwork and collaboration; how to design a presentation and pitch an idea that motivates, inspires, and influences others; and so much more.

And, from my years in Hollywood, I learned numerous other life lessons that I regularly draw on as a leadership trainer, coach, and adjunct professor at NYU:

Do I miss the glamor and excitement of working in the entertainment industry? Well, I got to go to numerous TV show tapings and wrap parties. I got to sit on Seinfeld’s couch and on Norm’s bar stool on the Cheers set. I got to meet Lucille Ball, Tom Hanks, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. I had lunch with Vanna White, rode up in an elevator, alone, with Vanessa Williams, and, most memorable (and surreal) of all, I spent a half hour being interviewed, one-on-one, by Pee Wee Herman to be his personal assistant.

So, do I miss it? Maybe just a little.

Easier than finding a new job, here are 5 relatively quick-and-easy things you can do to reignite your passion for your current job.

Catherine Conlan, contributing writer to Monster.com, asked me for a few suggestions on how to do this -- and here they are (originally posted on Monster.com, and then elsewhere including the NY Daily News):

Many people have ambivalent feelings about their jobs. Work is a place they go to, do some chores at, and then come home from, without feeling like they’ve grown personally or professionally, or have made a real difference in the world. Fortunately, it doesn’t take a lot of effort to elevate your job from a task to something fulfilling. Here are some small changes you can make to love the job you have.

[1] Talk to your boss.
If you think there are changes that could be made to improve your outlook, let someone know, says Cheryl Heisler, president and founder of Lawternatives. “It’s very possible that the company would rather hear what you are unhappy about and fix it than to see you walk,” she says. “It’s costly to lose a trained employee, and no one wants to lose someone good.”

But don’t just drop into the boss’ office unannounced and say, “I’m bored.” Identify what’s dissatisfying you and come up with some concrete ideas on how to change it before you talk to your boss.
 


[2] Try something new.
“The best way to learn a new skill, demonstrate your potential and get out of a work rut is to take on a stretch assignment,” says Todd Cherches, founder and CEO of BigBlueGumball. “Not only will you be helping out your team or department by making a value-added contribution, but you’ll be enhancing your reputation while challenging yourself to reach new heights.”

 Heisler agrees. “We all like to do things that are familiar, but if that’s all we do, we get bored and lose interest.” Asking for something new and challenging can help “stir up the pot.”

[3] Step back a bit.
Even when you like your job, it’s important to mentally detach and revitalize when you’re not at work, says Dr. Paula Thompson, a career coach. “Studies show that people who spend their non-work time engaged in hobbies, sports and social activities have higher job satisfaction.”

Taking on a new challenge outside of work can be as invigorating as one at work. “The more you love your life outside the office, the happier you will be when you are in,” Heisler says. “Extra-curriculars keep life fun and keep work in its proper perspective.”

[4] Stop gossiping.
Complaining about work with others, especially if it’s just gossip. “Focusing on the negative will bring down your spirits,” Thompson says. “Instead, purposefully develop friendships with your co-workers who love their jobs, and you will find that their passion will be contagious and make you feel better about yours.” 

If the entire work environment is negative, you might have to find a way to shield yourself from the negativity, or, alternately, look for options for boosting morale.



[5] Start fresh every day.
Sometimes wiping the slate clean and starting fresh can help you recharge your batteries, Cherches says. “What if next Monday were your first day on the job?” he asks. “How would you prioritize? What would you start doing? What would you stop doing? What would you wear?” Organizing your workspace, clearing out the inbox, tossing out piled-up paperwork and setting deadlines for projects can all help you find new energy for your job. “Consciously deciding to adjust your attitude and approach your work in a new way may just help you get re-engaged and rejuvenated.”

http://www.nydailynews.com/jobs/small-love-job-article-1.1433016#ixzz2rSFQRfMt

I really loved my job.

And then my boss walked in one day and informed me that I was being laid off.

That was way back in January 2010...though it's as fresh in my mind as if it happened yesterday. There’s a lot more to the story than that, but it’s what happened immediately after that that I want to talk about.

Upon receiving the news that day, I felt confused, disoriented, shocked, lost. It was around 10:00am on a Wednesday morning, and after going to the same office every day for the past three years, I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with the rest of my day. Or my week. Or my life. I guess I was just supposed to go home. But the reality hadn’t really sunk in yet, and I wasn’t quite ready to face my wife with the news.

So I left the office and meandered aimlessly up Broadway with no specific destination in mind. Before I realized it, maybe an hour or two, and 50 blocks, later I somehow ended up at 81st Street and Central Park West, right in front of the American Museum of Natural History. So I went in and just wandered around Africa and Asia for a while, then the Planetarium, before settling under the big Blue Whale.

It Starts with Perspective
But as I was leaving, as I took one last look up at a big dinosaur, something strange happened: a feeling of calm came over me. I gained a sudden sense of perspective that made the layoff seem as though it was not the worst thing in the world, and that is was time for the next phase of my career to begin. So I left the museum rejuvenated and recharged, with a clear head, a fresh perspective, and a renewed feeling of energy. And confidence – from the Latin for “with trust or faith” – that everything was going to be alright.

When you lose your job, or fail at a task, or even when you’re a freelancer out there all on your own, it’s so easy to lose your confidence. Without the support network of colleagues or the guidance of a boss, and other feedback mechanisms, it’s common to have feelings of self-doubt, vulnerability, loneliness, and fear. But confidence is so important that we need to do whatever it takes to get it back, because it’s hard to accomplish anything without it. As Henry Ford said: “If you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”

I’ve learned from experience over the years that confidence is often the key differentiator between those who succeed and those who don’t. Earlier in my career I learned the hard way that even though I possessed the knowledge and intelligence and experience, I lost out on a number of promotion opportunities simply because I lacked confidence. And it showed.

How to Get Your Groove Back
While there are a lot of different definitions of confidence, I like a simple one by Harvard professor Rosabeth Moss Kanter who defined it simply as “the expectation of a positive outcome.”

So what can you do to regain or maintain your confidence and increase your odds of a “positive outcome?” Here are five quick tips to keep in mind:

1. Build on your past successes and “keep your eyes on the prize.” Stay focused on your ultimate goal. Be ready, willing, and able to bounce back from adversity and set-backs when – not if – they happen. Resilience is key.

2. Leverage your strengths. Don’t dwell on your weaknesses or limitations. Be self-aware about — and make others aware of — what you have to offer.

3. Make everything a learning opportunity. Einstein said: “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” Be ready and willing to fail, learn, and move forward.

4. Seek out feedback and create a support network. Build your own personal Board of Advisors. Appreciate that feedback is a gift.

5. “Act as if.” Behave as you believe, and your belief will eventually become reality.

The Three Types of Confidence
Lastly, self-confidence is just one of what I call “The Three Types of Confidence”:

1. Self-Confidence: your belief in yourself.

2. Other-Confidence: your ability to make others feel confident in you (i.e., in your ability and in your potential to succeed).

3. Leader-Confidence: your ability to make others feel confident in themselves (and in their ability and potential to succeed).

Those who are most successful possess and exhibit all three types. But it all starts with Self-Confidence. It’s hard to instill confidence in others when we don’t feel confident in ourselves. It’s kind of like the airplane instructions where they tell you that in case of emergency you need to put your oxygen mask on first, before you can help others.

And keep it in mind that confidence is not a straight arrow, but a roller coaster. Even the most confident people experience nervousness and self-doubt at various times. Especially when pushing themselves beyond their comfort zone. The key to success is the ability to realize it and move past it.

Dos and Don’ts
So, finally, how can you be, act, and appear more confident, all while instilling confidence in others? Let’s start with a few “Don’ts”:

• Do pay a visit to the American Museum of Natural History.  Be sure to tell the brontosaurus that Todd said, “Hi, and thanks again!”

For more inspirational quotes on boosting your confidence, click here.